steady;

i think that the best kind of love, are the ones that leaves you at peace, most of the time. the ones that makes you stronger in character, that makes you want to give more, and the one that makes you reflect on your purpose in life.

his love has that effect on me.

i think what made it different from the very start was the approach. how he politely knocked on my closed doors - gently confessed his intentions and asked of my view of it. he then proceeded to the most important person in my life - and alhamdulillah, with their blessings, we then stepped into what inshaAllah we hope to be, a useful mean to our next destination.

i've always pictured my life to somehow be set up in a way thats predictable. i thought i'd date someone a few years and then get asked about marriage and things just fall in place from there. i thought i'd at least have a rough idea of how we'd be like after knowing each other for a while - and then marriage wouldn't be so scary. at least - i'd know what to expect, no?

well i was wrong.

Allah knows best and indeed He is the Best of planners.

i'm happy to be here, knowing that i did not know him too well back then. because if i did, i think the journey now wouldn't be as exciting and interesting.

we started of pretty clear. he asked me what kind of family i wanted. what i would expect out of a husband, how i plan to raise my children. he asked me my views on the deen - and what i thought about giving back to the society. he asked me what i expected out of a marriage.

it was only fair that i asked the same thing back. and as simple as that,  he said it was enough for him to move to the next step.

but you hardly know me,  i said

" i know your core, i know your objectives, and its in line with mine, inshaAllah, that will be enough, "

and from that day onwards, alhamdulillah, i find myself at ease just thinking about things.

i am still nervous - but just knowing how different things are now. how i looked for You , and found him. how i prayed to You and you sent me him.

how You broke me, only to fix me and prepare me for this one. alhamdulillah - i keep thinking that i don't deserve this great Blessing , but i pray that You keep me close to You in every thing i do.

the biggest lesson i'd take and i intend to teach to my little ones is the concept of our hearts.

in the wise words of Uncle Tariq Skaka,

" The heart is a place of love, no other place is there for love. And the King of the heart is Allah and His best messenger Muhammad saw. So, if anyone else wants to enter, they must have the permission and the approval of the King, in which case they may stay there forever. However, if you let someone in without this approval, like a visa, they are illegals. And Allah will take them out and put them where they belong - this causes hurt to us. Allah sometimes gets people to hurt us so we love them less, because we loved them too much to start with. So seek Allah's approval for each person and thing we want to love, and then there will be no conflict and discord in our heart, "

thank you Allah, for preparing me well. i thought i almost lost the plot. i almost couldn't see what You intended of me, but seeing all this, right now, alhamdulillah, my heart is at ease, so filled knowing You're looking after me every step of the way.

i remember praying to you, asking that you fill my heart with ease and love for this one, if You knew this was the best for me. it took several weeks to kick in, but when it did, subhanallah, it only made me love You more.

the best kind of love is a love that does not compete with the Lover. its aligned together, and is in line to the right Love.

i think almost everyone has this misconception about marriage partners being some sort of replacement to fill us in some ways. we tend to look for someone to fill this hole we have inside us. we think that with their presence, somehow, they can help us feel complete. and then we think thats the purpose of marriage. to feel complete, to feel our weakness and strength complemented in some ways. we expect our spouse to mend our broken pieces, if not make us feel better.

although there are some truth to that, i think we should all enter marriage with glasses of our hearts full. not half empty. not in a condition waiting and expecting to be filled. we should enter it - already filled with so much love for Him, and that the concept should be to give and keep giving our best to our spouse. the holes inside our hearts are not meant for any creation to fix or fill, hearts were made for Him. if we need fixing, and if we need filling - give it back to the Creator.

so if we expected our hearts to be fixed by the concept of marriage with the presence of a humanly figure whom we call spouses - i hope you won't be disappointed when you find that it doesn't.

the beauty of this whole thing lies in true reliance and trust in His givings, and in His plans. our spouses will always be imperfect. our job is to tolerate, to give and take, to be the best to each other, and to bring out the best in each other.

so seek Him, and i promise you, you will find exactly what you're looking for. and when you do, all you ever want to be doing is to keep giving.



Allahu 'Alam