to fill, to be filled, full.

its at the time of the year where you see people leaving. bags packed, rooms empty, houses cleaned. i used to be all beat up about it. never actually liked being the one who gets left behind. but i got used to it. faces changes almost every year. new meets old, old meets new, old goes away, new starts over.

i've parked myself rather comfortable on the sides now. i'm a happy sidewalker. i picture myself standing on the sides, just waving, noticing, acknowledging, and when im tired, i walk on and get busy with my own drill.

i remembered at one point of my life where i enjoyed being at airports. back then, i was always sending people off. i was in my first year back in mlysa, and i told myself ' someday, they will have to send me off. someday, im the one who will be flying away,' and alhamdulillah, that day happened.

today, as i dropped off one of my closest junior in uni, i walked into the airport and watched. people waiting anxiously at the arrival hall. others had nervous faces, the rest were excited. i watched as the people they expected, started walking out of those automated doors. the beam on their faces, little kids rushing to hug their loved ones, some jumping around, others with wide smiles.

just watching these expressions made my heart fonder. how delicate these feelings were. how important it was at that point, standing there, waiting, watching these acts, and how in the next 5 seconds as these were out of sight, i no longer will think about that warm feeling.  i will then shift back to reality and normalcy, and carry on ignorance about surroundings as i usually do.

but things change when i chose to hold on a little longer to these moments. no cameras, no videos. just memories of random faces i saw. i knew no one at that arrival hall. and its amazing how at that moment i chose to allow that happiness fill me, even though it wasn't mine to begin with.

it then hit me, that quite naturally, happiness is sometimes given to you by others without them knowing. we could be happy just seeing an old couple walking hand in hand - it automatically makes us hopeful towards things. a young mother playing with her child at a park could easily make you smile, because maybe if you were a lot like me, you'd think , that will be me, few years from now, God willing.

if we'd allow ourselves to be happy just by the setting of things, just by seeing normalcy as a blessing given to you and knowing that there are people out there without the blessing of sight, i think our whole lives would be a lot more different.

happiness isn't defined to be a certain way, from a certain someone, at a certain time. its everywhere. its everywhere when you choose to find, and see it.

my daily settings had always been a lot about me. i dwell so much with the things i feel and how i react to things. and just for a change, i let others do the filling for me. i let them fill me without them knowing, i block all negativity and self inflicted dissatisfaction towards life and turn towards others happiness, and made them mine.

today, i was happy seeing people happy. i was happy seeing my lovely girl fly off to her next phase in life, i am happy, knowing that i am Well taken care of with the blessing of sight. with the company of people i dont even know - amazingly, filled.