this heat is challenging at times. i had trouble sleeping last night, ended up in the living room with the air conditioner on. i was too tired from the day, and the heat wasn't making it any easier to sleep.
i remembered that he was dark skinned. and what was first to be an engagement turned into a nikaah ceremony, because it was decided that since everyone was there, and after everyone agreed, - why not ? i was happy and content. i saw my father's figure from far, he looked at us with so much love, and i remember holding his arms and resting my head on his shoulders. " zahirah, you're following me now, we're in this together, " he wore a clear white jubah, and he looked clean. i was nervous, but i remember telling myself, ' this is it. this is him, '
and i woke up smiling.
i assumed the clock would show 5:15am. i glanced over and it was 5:05am. close. something my body has picked up i realize ever since i started having date nights. listening to lectures before going to bed. regardless at what ever time i shut my eye, it ( alhamdulillah, with His will) wakes at 5ish. not complaining, rather this, than waking up at quarter to 7 and rush my way to things.
an interesting topic i remembered listening to, was on disappointments. ive always loved listening on the matter, only because i'm starting to realize that no one can ever run away from disappointments. with people, just, anything. and i've always wondered why ? and if there was a way to really block ourselves from all these expectations. i do know, naturally as humans, expectations are a part of us, and i've heard how its all about placing our expectations in the right place.
so far, on one of my date nights, i learnt about prayers. the 5 daily prayers, or even the sunnah prayers. whichever, but just the art of prayers itself. something that all muslims perform.
the first thing that we should do when the call for prayers(adhan) comes, is make sure that the time is in. nowadays, we use our clocks to show us the time. our watch, our phones, or our clocks on the wall. and we've been so accustomed to this way of checking our prayer times that we forget the natural event to our surroundings. we forget, that each prayer that comes in, the sun moves its position. back then, when we had no watches or clocks, they would use a stick, and confirm the time by looking at the position of its shadow. but with this advancement in technology, we forget to look at the bigger picture. the movement of sun. Who moves it ? we forget to appreciate how the clouds changes too, and think about the Bigger thing behind all this creation. when we can , try to look at a natural event before prayers. look at the skies, and the sun, remind ourselves that it was Allah that made them, that changed their positions, and not to just rely on our clocks.
' when you keep looking at the clock , clock, clock, clock, you get clogged ! don't forget what's happening outside, '
when people get upset with situations, some resort to looking up at the skies, the birds, feeling the wind - these are all natural events, which, to the eye of a believer, they would understand and see, the signs of Allah in everything. As humans, we can't free ourselves from natural events, we need to learn to connect with them. we have to learn to connect. because in connecting, we are reminding ourselves of the Bigger power, which is of Allah swt, He created all these creations for a reason, and this reason, are all reminders, for the eyes of those who seek understanding.
in prayers, we should work on aligning ourselves through that act an action of Allah swt. and remember that it is what He wants, and not us. He wants us to pray, to Him and only Him.
once we've learned to appreciate and connect with these natural events that take place, we will realize how small we are in this earth. compared to the planets, galaxy, how little we are amongst His bigger creations. this sense of being small is what needs to be brought into prayers - creating humbleness inside ourselves. with our head down, we connect with this bigger circle of events, and then, when we truly learn this art of connection, the takbeer we take, saying " Allahu Akbar ( Allah is the Greatest ) " comes in with such deep meaning. we will finally feel that Greatness in our prayers, it becomes so meaningful. because after all, without meaning, what are our prayers then besides mere articulation ?
' ask yourselves, how can you feel someone's presence when you're not connected to him ? '
feeling is a state. when there's no state - thats when problem occurs. the outward praying ( the 5 daily prayers, the sunnah prayers ) stops, but what about the inward praying ? it is the sunnah of our Prophet Muhammad s.a.w to always be in a position of remembrance of Allah swt, and he was always in that state of ibadah in everything he did. In eating, in talking, in praying, in sleeping, he was always connected, subhanallah. and how do we , as his ummah stay connected to Allah swt. ?
we often find ourselves in a state of instability. we feel empty, no tranquility, infirm, we easily change. sometimes we have good days, and sometimes we have bad days, but really, how is it possible to gain stability when we're not connected to the One who is stable ?
we need to learn that in which ever situation we are in , in times when we like something, or we dislike something, we cannot, and must not dismiss Allah swt in both. once we disengage from Him, how do we expect to be stable ?
know that stability - means being firm in all situations, regardless.
back to our prayers, how do we gain stability in that ? say an event took place, and we're unhappy with it. a person hurt us, disapppointed us in such a way that we feel angry for. we hardly realize this but sometimes, we bring this with us in prayers, this anger, this hatred, this unsatisfying feeling.
and yet, we take our takbeer ' Allahu Akbar, ' and we recite al fatihah and surahs and so forth. Ask ourselves, what state are we in those prayers ? Are we content with our situation ? Or do we allow that unsatisfying, uneasiness creep into our prayers ? Are we really happy with the things He gave us with such contentment inside us, feeling really happy , feeling,
O Allah I am content with everything and everything Youve given me ! ,
or do we say it just for the sake of saying it, with a small feeling of
' O Allah , why did this happen to me, why am i sad, '
such low calculations we have as humans, towards disappointments. yes, someone might have disappointed us, angered us, in such a way, and sometimes we feel we deserve an apology. but those are all temporary feelings, those feelings are all given to you by Allah swt himself, through means. through people, to teach you to control that, and when we get disappointed by His 'tests' , we bring that disappointment to our prayers and focus only on those disappointments as if nothing good has ever came to us. aren't we ashamed of ourselves ?
a believer should believe that in which ever situation, especially in times of sadness, we should remain thankful, because we forget to look at the bigger picture. we should be saying,
O Allah thank You for these tests, thank You for making me a better person, All praise goes to You and only You !
now this state of thankfulness, humility, acceptive is what needs to be brought into prayers. not anger, not disappointments, because then, we should ask ourselves, dont we believe that He knows better in things than us ? that through disappointments, He knows it'll make us better - so learn to stay connected, stay engaged with him in all situations. good/bad. and once we've learned this, no form of disappointment will ever get to us. because now, we've finally realized to look beyond the creations, we look at the Bigger power behind these. we learn the Greatness of Allah swt. we also would then realize, that it is highly impossible to run away from Allah swt. Because everything is connected to Allah swt.
we should start exercising our inner sight, our hearts, that everything happens with a reason, and that reason belongs to Allah swt alone, and once this understanding is reached, difficulties, tribulation will not easily bring you down.
it is said that people get upset mainly for 3 reasons:
1) what they want, they don't get. ( if they do get them, it isn't precise )
2) what they have, been taken away from them
3) heart confliction, contradiction ( people blaming them on situations )
it is important that we learn to embrace these situations. remind ourselves, that in times that we were actually happy with things - where did we take that happiness? to ourselves, or was it back to the Creator ? when we were happy with a thing we possess, we should always say ' it is all from Allah swt. He gave me this happiness, ' and say it genuinely, authentically, purely. not because thats what we should say, but because we know and believe it to be true. All happiness , sadness comes from Allah swt. learn to say something and mean it.
" if you want to be happy, set that out straight first, even upset is happy. a believer does everything, leaves everything for Allah, and when they feel short, they realize, and ask forgiveness tubu 'ilallah "
this big connection, understanding and realization should bring our prayers to much a deeper meaning. when we don't feel happy in our prayers to Allah, it means that a lot of other than Allah has been accumulated in our hearts, - so start clearing them out.
realize that only Allah swt can free your state of heedlessness, and carelessness.
because knowing itself is insufficient, it can only be complete, with constant heart presence with Allah swt.
wallahualam
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