closer;

im about 3weeks plus to my edd, and i cant quite point out how i really feel about things. i love my days with Hamza. just the two of us, to the point i cant really imagine how things would be with another one joining us. of course, im grateful, and happy that he will get another life long friend to be playing with, but on some days, its hard to accept the fact that it wont be just the two of us anymore. it'll change so much for both of us, mainly for him. with attention having to be shared. i feel sad somedays, but i hope i will remember our days together forever.

hes grown so so much now. loves painting and colouring. ever so clingy with both his abah and i. but when abah is home - its abah first all the time. unless he wants to sleep, then mimmy suddenly exists again. he cant go to sleep without touching my right hand. sometimes that gets a little too hard, with my big belly, having to toss and turn accordingly to ensure my right hand is easily reachable for him. but i know these days wont last. its a phase that ill miss so much when he outgrows my right hand.

the amount of kisses he offers and takes these days are limited too. gone were the days where we could easily request for kissies from him. ahhhhh man. that breaks my heart the most. i hope you'll grow to always want to kiss mimmy and abah Hamza.

every morning, when abah goes to work, hamza will cry his heart out wanting to follow. hence why our painting and colouring sessions are always in the morning. if he sees paint, and colour pencils, hes good. i put some music on as well, as much nasyid as i could ( boy hes so into malay songs thanks to mimmy of course ), we have juzu' amma on some days too. to keep it balanced you know. haha

our house is tv less. azhar really was adamant about this part. i cant disagree with him on this part. though i miss my reno shows alot, but i feel like hamza does a lot more, and interacts a lot lot more without one. so he doesnt really know cartoons much, isnt a disney fan, or any marvel characters. which is a good thing i feel. he hardly gets screen time through our phones either, i dont know if that explains why he catches music quite quickly with the brain space bahahaha. but nah, i think all kids catches things easily at this stage, tv or not tv. screen or no screen. they're like sponges and its both scary and cute at the same time.

he loves loves books. we dont have a specfic time for reading cos he does that a lot every other time. even reads to himself ( in jibberish of course ) when mimmy gets too tired to entertain him. you hear the words " ball ! dog! jump ! abah ! adik! " he points random things on the images he sees. haha

while there are a lot others i could jot down, these are whats at the top of my mind for now. i want to put it down so i will remember these early days.

i have always loved my time with you Hamza, and i will forever cherish them. i get to see you do things everyday, and its the best blessing anyone could ever ask for, alhamdulillah.