May he be better than you;

We have been enjoying taking Hamza out to enjoy nature. I've been waitinggg for this moment for a long time, i miss scenic  views, looking out on mountain tops, seeing the ocean, letting nature just sweep me by the feet.

I always feel that sometimes we need a smack of nature to remind us how beautiful life is, how small we are - and just how calming it can be. Away from the hustle and bustle of city life. Away from being stuck under the roof, its a whole different world out there, and Hamza needs to experience it all and ignite his senses. 

I feel more like a mother now too. No longer feeling like a cow constantly milking my bubs, and no longer feel like i'm caring for a pet. Haha. Hamza has finally started his coos. Rolling and drooling all over like no tomorrow. I get really tired somedays but i'm not complaining yet - i hear its much more challenging once they start crawling! 

He's starting solid food soon in a weeks time and im so excited. I feel he's so ready for it. He keeps staring at us eating our meals and does this funny lip movements like immitating us chewing on our food. 

I'm still breastfeeding - and i haven't really felt like i lost a lot of weight yet. Its challenging but i guess i shouldn't be too hard on myself just yet. The last time i tried doing exercises i ended up with back aches and just horrible cramps. I think the weekly hikes would do me good, and just really watching over my sugar intake ( yikes)

So far - having Hamza around has gone really well. I think its got a lot to do with the support i get from close friends and family. Telling me to constantly try my best, just lending an extra hand whenever i needed a half hour break from carrying him around. It has been amazing really, alhamdulillah. 

We attemped on some basic jawi today since he's much more alert now and doing sounds - went really well until he started chewing on them. 

We also had a small farewell for Almaz - my confidante, my go to person in Adelaide. I feel a little sad but i know people aren't meant to stay forever. I wish Almaz all the best in her future undertakings, and i am forever grateful to have her in my life. She has seen me at my lowest and was there when i was at my happiest, the best listener, one of the most considerate individuals i have ever met. We love you Almaz, you will forever remain in our duaas in shaa Allah. 

Theres been a lot of talks and discussion on how things will look like down the road, so have i decided? Work or no work? School and which school? Home first , school later? Social environment? What are his aims? How do we get him to not be too into himself or how do we teach him to share? Should we have more now? If later - how later? What is the right gap? 

Things i grow really crazy and cranky about sometimes. I feel everyone always has a say to things. To how they feel should or would work. Having a blank canvas presented infront of me makes me so anxious at times. I only get one shot at this, how do i ensure this will be the best shot i take? Am i sure my next action would be the best for him?

I don't know. I really don't. I just want him to be the best version of him. I just want his heart and character build around good things, good people and a good heart. A sound heart. 

I was visiting an old friend once and she said in their culture, it was a trend to pray for a newborn by saying " May he be better than you,"

Ameen to that. May you be better than what your Abah and I could ever be, Hamza.