life makes love look hard;

how many days has it been ? i've lost track of how long or how short have my days been here in this cute unit. i've been blessed with beautiful days of summer ever since i got back. missed the heat wave which i heard was pretty bad, heat ranging from 40-45 degrees, may Allah help protect me from that if it ever happens again.

there were many nights where i was blessed with a 16degrees breeze, those nights where i no longer feel scared or alone, instead felt absolute calmness beyond explanation. being alone in the unit can either turn me bonkers with limited human communication most of the time or make me some what, content.

most of the time, im calm and im appreciating every minute of it. ive longed for this private-ness for such a long time, i believe i deserve some me time with having cheens in between and at the end of my day, which is just, perfect.

john is back in my life. and im not pretty sure if we'll get along as well as we did previous year. familiarity can sometimes be too overwhelming for the heart. and they say too much of a thing is not always a good thing. which, hah, dave's back. dave, the next door neighbor. he's nicer now, well he's known for his loud thumping while he walks up the stairs. and..that loud car of his.

my month back home has been life-changing. who knew ? who could ever thought that in one second your whole life could change, and back then i wasnt entirely sure if it was for the better, but at this point where i am standing, i know it all is. He indeed has far greater plans, its the time of the year where He takes things from me, and then looks at how I react on it, just to test and see where my love and heart is placed. I'm getting better at it inshaAllah, He tricked me once, but I knew He meant it in a good way. He took that, and replaced it with something I never knew could give me so much strength and will power to be better.

and the day i realized that it was all carefully, beautifully planned, i surrendered. Because I have never met and seen anything so beautifully structured and perfectly placed like how things are right now. And who knows ? Maybe, like all other things, this will be temporary ? who knows, that like all other things, there's even a bigger, mightier plan that will come my way ? who knows.

but the key is to always place my trust in Him, and all i can ever do is strive for the best in being a better person.

sometimes hurt is not meant to stay long, so dont waste your time rolling around it. life is too short for all that. time is wasted thinking, hoping for things that have already gone by. i dont hope on humans. i dont hope and pray anymore that someday any of you will understand, because none ever will.

people speculate, people believe what they want to see, they choose to conclude whatever they see in the social media, and i've come to realize how incredibly alarming mentality some people possess. what life do you have circulating on others pages , remembering unnecessary things, names you dont even know of and concluding this and that ?

if it wasnt for staying in touch with people, that thing would have been down years ago.

2012, you are a year of challenge for me. it has only been the 7th day but boy have you come up with many.

lillahi ta'ala, im trying my very best to detach from things, only for the better, and this period of months on my own will be used to the ultimate.

in shaa Allah.