the BIG day

clearly isnt what you think it is, but while we're there, id love for it to be witnessed by the presence of sheikh's and 'ulamas and gain barakah instead of having any king or queen from any throne. i'd like it to be a splash of whiteness and probably gold, as a sign of purity, as white was the color of our Prophet Muhammad pbuh.

it has been a few days of calmness ever since the big swirl down the hole. not quite what i pictured it to be, but we're getting there. what i hate most is getting used to this surrounding around me for now and having to let it go as time crawls on me. i love it like this. how things are now, and i found that my heart is in a better place, a better control away from negativity.

but whats life without being tested?. how am i supposed to want Jannah without hardwork ?. without tests, and trials, how will that ever make me a better person ?. they say a smooth sea never make a skilled sailor.

training my heart to never hope on individuals is a tough one. i've always been the kind who would expect the best out of people. out of their kindness, their considerateness behavior, but boy was i heavily disappointed through out. and that was because i forgot it wasn't them that i should be hopeful of, it was God. if He wills it to come from a person, I'd see it. If He doesn't, i will never find it. because human were made to disappoint you, they are never perfect. but God is. Hence, where do you place your expectations then ?

it'd be pretty silly to expect things out of something that you know was not built to perfection. so why did i place it on them ?.

because, i was blinded.

i didn't want to see or believe that what i felt was wrong.

place yours properly. you'd think you'll be safe from all these. you'd think you know who you're dealing with, mind you, we know nothing of what this world could do to us.

never expect. if good comes out of from the ones you love, its from Him. if it doesn't, its still from Him. the question will always be whether you were deserving of it at that point of time. Be patient.

Be very, patient.

Wallahualam, barakallufikum.