its gone.

so i spent most of my night yesterday trying to fix my brilliant mistake. but its gone. and i tried to find something similar. but i couldn't. but i take that as a sign. maybe it was time for change. although i wasn't prepared. after finding replacements and trying out a few layouts that i thought would make the cut due to the fact of it being 'one column' and its 'plain white background' i found myself getting fonder over this accidental one. it looks rather distorted, but we'll find a way through this. shall we ?

second week down. and its fun so far. i get overwhelmed with visions and images once in a while of myself being back home with the bestfriend, with my dad in the living room, or following my mum around doing her chores. i get motivated. not wanting to leave everything to the last call anymore. i'm enthusiastic, and i intend to be like this until the very end.

ramadhan has been blissful as of now. i remember dad telling me how each year has to be different than of previous years. that it will be such a waste spending ramadhan just like every other month and not welcoming it with double the effort and prayers. i miss being back home, performing tarawih with the whole family.

its both scary and calming thinking of them sometimes. how things back home are going when im so so far away. expecting them to be around when i get back which is so uncertain. no one can ever be sure of whats going to happen next. hence i pray for their safety from far. i pray for God to protect them for me and shower them with blessings and barakah every moment.

in the midst of all the chaotic and unstableness of uni life, i find myself wishing to have that one moment to be able to get a hug from my parents. life gets so hard, and then gets bearable the next minute, it gets jumpy and sometimes stagnant. but despite all that, nothing feels much more safer and calmer than being in their arms.

and i wonder, if i could be able to have that again. out of all things i ask from God, it is that particular one that i pray He wont decide to take away. everything else but that.

inshaAllah