gadis semasa.

at least 10 years from now, i see myself on a stable job, hopefully with a stable income, a house, married, a kid or two, ill probably be working my way on routine, or shaping up a lifestyle that fits my family, either way, by then i hope ill be living the dream already.

interning can be a bore at times. sitting at the office staring at every single person who walks in and out of the department the moment you hear the beep sound from the door. i imagine myself being in their shoes. some smiling, others frowning. i pity the ones frowning, tough job with tough clients doesn't help the natural fact of the job is already a killer. but there are others too who take it easy. finding humor in the things they do. they probably like what they're doing, or are just good at countering the fact that the job is tough, by taking it easy.

though interning may sound really cool or probably geeky, it really isn't all sunset by the beach. sure i get fascinated watching my seniors lose their minds fulfilling requests, keeping up with the dateline for stuffs, but it gets me thinking whether this is the life i am going to lead.

after degree, it really doesn't stop just there. a professional accreditation is something that is essential in todays tough industry. its like a stepping stone to the already crazy hectic modern life to be able to make it to the top. not with just brains, but soft skills are something that needs to be shaped at this point of time to be able to survive with the rest of other competitors.

making myself valuable and relevant to the industry has been something i've been thinking so much about since i got back home. it really is a different scenario here than how it is back in adelaide. we internationals dont stand a chance of being part of them unless a PR is presented. unless you're the best of the best, probably, you'll get a spot, but what if you're just an average ?

and sometimes i wonder if its really healthy to be thinking of settling down with that word. average.

people want to be that extra ordinary. that bamn-ness when it comes to things they like, to be great at what they do, and when there's passion, you know theres always a way.

so what is it that i lack ? passion ? a direction ?

now this contemplation has been with me all month long, i started with writing down my new years resolution to find some sort of direction to where i'll be heading. to know if what i have in me is great enough or strong enough to be a supporting character who will support others in the future. and then i wonder.

it worries me, it stresses me out at times but i guess towards some point of your life, you stop thinking of wanting to please or impress others. you start thinking of yourself. your life, your ways.

i aim for a life of simplicity but filled with happiness. nothing too fancy or too light either. just somewhere in between comfortableness and pleasant while not forgetting the real reason of life itself.

i guess this is that point of life where you get to tick and cross out the things you want and don't want to be doing. that point where you make numerous mistakes just to get things right in the end. so make way for more of them, because in the end, you know there's always something to gain.

im rather thankful for the opportunity given. blessed with so many other great things in life in the form of companion and materiality.

alhamdulillah. now back to reality.