& laughter took the place of everything we knew we were not;

picture credits to: prismes.da

If only it was easily erased off from chapters of life. If only some events were just forgettable, and nothing could stick too close to the heart. If only time wouldn't contribute to the fact that it mends and breaks relationships in one shot when it chooses to. If only everyone had an armour to shield themselves away from hurt and disappointments. If only.

Living with 'if only's' destroys the whole enthusiasm of life itself. I know how plain naked that statement is, but I know damn well sometimes relativity is difficult to achieve when the heart and brains are no longer aligned to logics and the reality of how things actually work.


Just in case you were wondering,

Because my current happiness seems too good to be true. Sometimes, I get scared of how life always turns out alright for me even after every fall, there was always a way, a help, a support for me to get back on my two feet, and I'd be strong and whole again. I'm afraid life would beat out of me this contented feeling I have with everything else, if it knew I was always happy and excited to wake up to a new surrounding, new story every single morning.So I put myself in those old black shoes, and remembered what it all felt like.

So I wrote it down and kept it away from sight. Because I never wanted to turn bitter towards life. Thats not how I wanted to live my life. Not through bitterness, not through lies.

Here's to you, John.
Many thanks, much love.
Though you may never come across this.