These Walls.

A week has passed since the news uninvitedly knocked upon my doors. Acting like things are normal, like nothing has happened, is by far the worst idea I've ever made myself do. Adapting to situation was awkward, blending in the pain with numbness was confusing. I was numb, and here was pain, trying to make its way, wanting to be acknowledged. Forceful, you were. Though I tried and tried to become ignorant, I tried to err on the side of optimism where things would always work out alright, if not alright, it would always work out the way He knows whats best, and hence I let it flow. But something is just not right. Something, just bothers my system.

Because probably the fact was, you were a friend. Not just a friend who came and went away, but you came and sticked through. Though absent for months, you made sure that your presence was felt, even when distance were in our way. I'm not sure whether to hate you or love you for this. But you've made me hate myself more for being such a bitch and took things easy. You made me bump into regret again. he sucks, you know? He spits on your face, and laughs at you, and the best part of this is that whenever you try to retaliate, he laughs harder. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can get to him. You've just got to force your way out of his way, push him to the back, and forget. Learn and forget regret. The art of shifting your thoughts, well I've known that for quite sometime now. The question of shifting that lies upon us.

You shifting now? Oh no, wait, not now. Feel the pain, when it hurts you enough, then you shift it away. You don't want to just take the pain for granted, its there for a reason. Feel it, learn from it, THEN you shift it away.Only when you understand the process you'll ensure it to never happen again. Now feel it.

Talk about self-inflicted. Its pretty nasty, but once you've learned to come to terms with the way it works, you'll get the hang of it.

My problem is.

I don't know whether I want to come to terms with things, and take it as it goes, or be rebellious upon the laws of life. Like I can do much.

I have a fear of hospitals.