you found me.

I tried writing. Scribbled on tissues, random notebooks  i see lying around my room, i tried. But nothing was hold enough for me to let my thoughts strip itself to the core, to that inner part where i place everything. I thought it'll come uninvited. So i waited for the right moment to pen it down. I had a pen in my handbag with me everywhere i go, but not a notebook. 

Notebooks make me feel pressured with those blank empty pages wanting to be filled with words. What i felt, was nearly simple. But to find the exact words to it was beyond impossible to reach. I dont know why it was so hard to connect. From the outside, the outer layers, things were just numb. So i let it linger. Perhaps for too long, it almost ate my heart out.

Today marks the day of victory. I reminded myself how it felt to be strong and still again. Went to places where i know, i'd find that soldier in me, i reminded myself what being independent was really all about. Ive always enjoyed solitude. Its the key to my personal meaning of happiness. I got scared along the way, but not anymore.

I stood at that corner again today. Where i know would be the most crowded place ever at that mall. I took a deep breath, and placed my back against the wall and just watched them. All kinds of colours, all kinds of fashions, all kinds of ways. It was a good 30 minutes til i couldnt feel my knees.  I enjoyed my moment. I was alone, and i wasnt scared to look further and beyond my vision towards life. - this is how i deal with things. I place myself among the crowd, though static, it was enough to entertain my broken soul.

I know theres more to life than just that. I know time will mend things. I know changes are inevitable, and i know expectations can bring you both good and bad. I know.

Episode 16 of tree hill was the big hit for me. As cliche as it may sound, its amazing how i can easily relate to the storyline. Lucas knows what he wants, Julian knows what hes getting himself into. Brooke and Peyton are the lucky ones. 

But then again, life isnt a fairytale.

I know He listens, and He knows best.

Heck, im holding the key to my own happiness. 

He wont help us unless we help ourselves, right?

whenever you're ready,
xoxo.