i don't know if anyone has told you this, but no one told me this when i had kids, so let me just put it here that parenting, to me is 90% patience and 10% chill game. haha. dramatic yet?
well its because most of the times, things wont make sense to your adult mind, why they cry, why they throw a fit, why they get so so upset over a brocolli choice and not a carrot, or why not the other carrot bag, why you have to take the left bag and not the right - man, it just doesnt make sense most times, and thats when patience comes in play.
before having kids, my biggest worry was always on how do i shape them. how do i shape them to be good natured kids, well mannered, considerate, kind. what if they turn out into a brat?? when i was carrying hamza, my nights were filled with these worries, coupled with this one other thing that no one really knew - my impatience.
i am, the most, impatient, being i have ever met. if you're gonna reply this with "no wayyyy zyra you're the most calmest, and patient girl ive ever met, " nop. dont. because those are all what i choose to show you. you've never seen me in my truest form. and my husband will be reading this with his head nodding so strongly agreeing with this fact. hahaha. i'm impatient, i dont like waiting for people, i dont like waiting on things, if i could short cut my way through life, i would lol. everything has got to be going and moving as to what i planned it to be, as what i timed it to be, and if you're slow, bye. that was just how i worked.
now - how was i, EVER going to be patient with little people with their own minds to things? i knew it was a recipe for disaster. i pictured myself as this monster asian mom, that would just smack every little silly cries her kids will make. i was going to NOT let them control my life, and make sure they know whose boss. quite frankly- i started sounding very scary to myself already haha.
but would i wanted that in a parent if i was the kid?
nop.
what was the one thing i wanted when i was younger?
to be understood.
okay, so i think i was starting on the path of something positive right there. flipping sides.
i talked things out with Azhar, and shared with him my worries. hes lived with me long enough to see all the scary things ive been hiding. when i told him, he just listened to me and smiled.
"do you remember what you used to ask from Allah in your prayers almost everyday? even since before you met me? you asked for patience. and remember when it came to having children, we asked Him, to only grant us children when He thinks we're ready for them. well i think you're ready for this,"
ready for what? i asked
" our children are our means towards Allah. and maybe, your journey is different to all others including me. maybe, yours is about learning to be patient with them, so Allah will grant you patience as you go along nurturing them. its not an easy task, but its what He feels is good for you. Allah always gives us things within our capabilities. every time you think you're not fit for it, think back. He doesnt work like that. you're ready to go through this. its a journey you need to take, and something you need to work on, through our kids,"
**
almost my third year into motherhood.. i still think im impatient haha.
how beautiful these little people of ours are. Allah make them love us unconditionally. They dont judge, and they keep us on our toes all the time. ( tough job lol ). They hardly listen to the things we tell them to do but they sure as heck copy us.
it wasn't until i saw how Hamza reacted to Umar's cries that got me startled. he went to his little brother and said,
"stop! stop cry! enough!!" his index finger pointing at his poor 6 month old brother's face.
i knew exactly where he got that from.
the next time Hamza threw a tantrum, instead of telling him to shut it, i went to him and asked,
"are you okay? whats wrong? do you want a hug?"
it wasnt long til Umar cried again the next time, and i saw how the narrative changed,
"why adik? what wrong? why cry adik?"
Allahu akbar.
Kids are always watching. How you act and react will be what they act and react too. if we're modelling compassion, compassion will be what they choose. so lets model wisely. we've got little eyes on us, all the time.
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