let's get personal.

I finally did it. I mentioned it not because I felt guilty. Not because I felt what I did was against his rules, I said it because I wanted this emotional stir to end.

I love myself. And I know the only way to retain my own dignity is to forgive. It differentiates us from everyone else.

She forgives him for ignoring her text messages. She forgives him for being ignorant on her insecurities towards them. She forgives him for choosing to attend to others instead of her. She forgives him for changing into a man with power, drowned in his 'new world', new friends and new support system and she forgives him for making the same mistake over and over again. She forgives him for pushing her away in times of need. She forgives him for making her wake up the next morning, and be left dumbfounded with the series of restless, sleepless nights. Maybe,she thought, maybe I'm asking for too much. The most important of all, she forgives him for being scared of his own shadows. For being in fear that he'll lose all the support that he can get in his new world that even she, was placed way behind. Hence, she forgives him for everything.

Maybe she never really knew how to understand his tight schedules. How meetings can be going on to as late as 3 am in the morning from 9 pm. How even one text message for her is just too much of half a minute to steal. Probably her nights of staying up just to wait for him to finish so they could have a decent conversation has never done justice to this part right here. Because she would always be greeted by calls on his new role he took up, his new responsibilities. Only to feel further away from him as days pass by. He never knew all this, never felt the distance, he was too occupied for her now.


And then comes the part where she gets judged by the amount of comments she gives to other writers. What did he expect her to do while he was busy with his own things?. Of course she'd come up with something new of a hobby, to take her mind off things.She looked for other inspirations to become a better person.
What I dont get is how you can easily slip off the fact that you did wrong, where as when it comes to my doings, you made damn sure it dangles manifestly on our walls.

She wont touch on more deeper issues such as his new preference to sleep in his 'new room' where meetings, discussions are normally held. Professional, he said. O-kay.

So to add it all up, for all the things he did, she takes it in. For all the stolen times, she took it in. For all his 'new family', she took it in. For him sleeping wherever he likes regardless of sensitivity towards her feelings, she took it in.

And if he is thinking to counter all the things she felt by saying, he was there before. Think again. Atleast, she knew when to draw the line.

Enough.
She has said her sorry, and man she had a good laugh reading his reply, 'Forgiven,'. Fullstop

The real challenge is to sink all this in. To accept, and be patient to what ever that comes by. The challenge is when she starts realizing how things have cracked. But still manage to find her way back in line. Amazing? Power Of love? Or plain stupidity.

Heh heh.

No, she wasn't expecting any sorry from him anyway. She knows him too well to be dealing with this same thing over and over again.

No grudge. No revenge. No nothing. She did wish for all the great things for him. If he's happy where he is, then she'll remain things to where it is, and be happy with everything else.


You did no wrong young man. You did no wrong.