Sometimes I wish I had the courage to decide on things in a more realistic manner. My friend, hope, keeps walking in and out, I can't decide if he's really telling me something or he just loves hanging around. We all need a little hope sometimes. What gets to me is when we become clueless of its purpose, I get frustrated and I feel disturbed with things. But I carry on anyway, because 20 years of breathing has thought me life doesn't stop for anyone.

This perplexity that I carry breaks my heart. I feel powerless in the sense that I find it hard to be in control of what I should feel.

I hate feeling incapable of my own self. Its annoying. It shouldn't be this way.

What more when things are just as great, never what I expected, being a pessimist, I've always expected the worst, but here's one thing that keeps me glued to my soul, happy to the bones, smiling ear to ear. Hiccups are normal, and it was never the issue of distance, my level of tolerance repaired, trust reimbursed, nothing, nothing like I ever imagined. They say the key to happiness is when you least expect it.

I've never felt anything better than sitting on bended knee with eyes shut and my head down. I pray and I believe You gave this to me with a reason. I may be loving the wrong person, crying for the wrong reasons, but I'm definite mistakes will help me find the right one.

I pray, so very hard, that if its right, please don't take this away from me like how You did before. And if its not, give me strength to let go, like how I did before.

Thank you, for this glimpse of happiness that You allow every once in a while. Its hard, but it balances out. And I wouldn't change it for the world. I believe You would know better than anyone else.